Oh, to be human can cause us such miseries. It’s how I experience life. I have to remember that I am talking for myself only. To punish myself and feel worse, I judge myself for my humanity. That is part of being human, too. So pardon me for speaking out, breaking the taboo of airing my dirty laundry. I’m not British. I don’t have that stiff upper lip. The thing is, I’m Chinese. We like to ‘save face.’ We don’t talk about ‘private matters’. At least my mother and her generation doesn’t. I am not made of sterner nor noble stuff like that. I am unable to harbour all this ‘stuff’ inside. It’s toxic to my soul. I have to vent.

Brene Brown has done much important work on human connections. Her TED Talk on the power of vulnerability is powerful. I was quite blown away when I first watched it. I had hoped that it would strike a chord within all of us to open up, be vulnerable and share. I don’t think I have that problem. My problem could be the opposite. Maybe I shared too much. I was so busy doing that I had no time, or maybe it was I never gave other people an opportunity to do their sharing. I found myself quite taken back later, like years, that I had been in the dark – without a match, without a clue.

You can imagine the hurt I felt. I spilt my gut, my innards bleeding on the sidewalk but you/they kept mum. My mother would have found that admirable. But I can only talk it out -badly. Isn’t it what they all tell you to do? Get it out! Hash it out! Not too many people I know do though. Are you surprised? I’m not. I’ve learned it from experience. Am I disappointed? No. That’s how we are. Well, it’s not really how I am but I am learning to be that way. I’ll let you know if it is a better way. You know what they say. The less said, the better.

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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  1. Not always. I vent my frustrations to my journal. I can tell when I haven’t been writing and I feel on the edge of exploding if my trigger gets tripped. You aren’t alone.

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