Hot August day. I am waiting for the storm to erupt. I am not feeling kosher, not copacetic at all. In other words everything is not ducky. I am seeing life through jaundiced eyes. Do not worry! I am not blaming you or anyone else. Do not take it personally. It is just me, feeling the swirling energy around me.
There’s no need for sympathy nor pity. I am doing quite well. Perhaps I should be grateful for my kaleidoscope of moods and feelings. I understand from whence they come. Knowing myself enables me to understand others’ behaviour and feelings better. It makes life easier and we all need that.
I do not try to fix myself anymore. Believe me, I have tried so many times and in so many ways – self-help books, therapy, medication. At long last I have come to accept myself, giving myself permission to be all that is human. I no longer think of myself as being flawed. Some days will be better than others. Shit happens sometimes. That is life, as they say.
No more There is less running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to overthrow my discomfort. Now, I am okay just to sit with my own storm, waiting for God’s. The sky is grey, the air is still. The birds are chirping. I’m waiting for their singing to stop. That is when the rain will fall. I’m waiting to hear the pitter patter above my head.