The skies are grey this morning but at least the air is not as heavy. Funny how heavy the grey can sit on your shoulders, pressing you down. Funny how old feelings can come washing back over you and then you realize how important it is to be in the now of time and to live and create new feelings in the present moment.
I did my qigong routine from memory, all the 18 movements. Practice did make perfect in this incident. I breathed in and out, visualizing the sunrise, feeling the calm and the beginning of a new day…pushing out the chaos of my mind. And the sun came, uncertainly at first, darting in and out of the clouds. I raised my arms, embracing heavenly chi. It formed a protective shield around me. And I knew that all is copacetic.
Breakfast is done. The dishes put away. The day and life begins again, however where or how I am. I do not want to wait for all my ducks to be in a row. That day may never come or if it does, it will not stay. I have time and I am not behind but I do not choose to wait. There is no pleasure in the contemplation of perfection but it is satisfying to move, to do and make progress, even if it is only an inch.
I am pretending I am the new FlyLady, buzzing around with my purple duster, putting things in order, not obsessing, just doing. I am surprised to feel joy in the doing, in the folding, in the putting away…..There is comfort in the cleaning and drying, in the smoothing and folding and putting things away. It is almost like finding the heart in myself again.
I was thinking about Benjamin Franklin and his 13 virtues this morning. I was thinking that I need to move a little faster towards order. No use getting all these ideas and plans but no action. Without any movement there will be no change. There will be no order.
I was thinking about all this as I was coming out of the bathroom. I looked out the living room window and there was Benjamin Franklin, making a house call! I took that as a sign of great magnitude. Wow! Whatever thou can conjure in the mind, you can bring forth. Maybe I should get a lamp like Aladdin’s or a Ouija board.
Seeing Ben did shake me out of my inertia. I am sure that the plumber was also shook up to see some woman aiming a camera at him as he was getting out of his truck. He seems to be held captive momentarily on the steps.
Having been reminded of my goal to pursue order, I set to work…dishes, floor, laundry, walking Sheba, bathing Sheba, cleaning her mats, lunch, more dishes….. Wow, I’m amazed by myself! Now I face my hardest challenge, my office. For some unknown reason, psychological block, I have not been able to put it in order since the beginning of time.
I stumble and stumble every time I decide to do this chore. I am overcome with unease, unable to make a start, a move in the right direction. Perhaps I should stop thinking of it as a chore. Maybe I can visualize myself as the FlyLady (http://www.flylady.net/) with a purple feather duster instead of Tinkerbell and her magic wand. Whooosh! In one purple swoop, my desk is dust free and clean, the pens in their holder, the papers in their proper folders in the cabinet…everything in order.
Would that not be nice if we have a magic wand or feather duster? Alas! we mortals must do the hard work. So I shall go now and make a start. I shall at least try my best at the moment. I will not be behind. I will pay my bills and file them in their proper folder. And perhaps my friend Ben will come to help again another day.