MONDAY GROANER TIME

I thought it best I try my best to stay with my self scheduled writing time on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Good habits build good days and a life well lived. I’m as sleepy as can be. It would feel so good to cuddle up with my little quilt and have a sleep. Talking about quilt, my log cabin block building has been at a standstill for quite a spell. Life, the garden and yard happened. I couldn’t do it all. Some things have to give. Summer and the growing season is only so long. The sewing got put on the back burner. To be resumed later. I hope I will remember to hit that button later.

It’s a cloudy, breezy and cool day. It tries to rain and pour off and on. You can say it’s a typical 2022 June day – unpredictable and changeable from minute to minute. I’m trying to roll with it all. It’s giving my moods and body a good workout. I should remember to take a tylenol morning and bedtime to keep me physically supple. It’s the new lube for old achy bodies. This weather and garden and yard work are taxing on the joints and bones. I was not happy or moving well in the morning exercise class. The sluggishness, aches and grumpiness were all trying to get the best of me. I prevailed though, beating them back. I’m getting good at faking it till I make it. How do you do it?

I can’t believe it is 5:30 already. Where did the day go. It’s rolling away faster than the end of the toilet roll. I’m calling it quits now. Going to have another cuppa. Talk to you on Wednesday.

MY EVERY DAY BATTLE

It’s a grey cool Monday. I’m feeling the weather again. I’m sipping on a cup of decaf while contemplating what would be my best moves. I hate letting the weather get the better of me. But it might not be a bad idea to just take it easy for the rest of the day. I’ve already stormed out after breakfast and did a whole pile of work before 10. I planted the last 4 squashes between the haskap berries in the backyard and the rest of the celery in the squash bed. Yes, I got a little crazy with the squashes this year. I’m sure I’ve planted 30 for ourselves. Then there’s the giveaways. I will take an inventory of plants and produce in the fall for better planting next spring. It’s what I keep saying. Now I will have to do it.

I am feeling better for having started this tapping out. I sure felt like hell when I came in from the garden. I’ve done some work in the greenhouse, too. It’s nice and warm there, out of the cold and wind – a good place to clean up the pots and trays. I can put them up on the rock wall to dry. I am trying to have a better handle and not let them scatter all over the place. It’s hard to develop good work habits. So easy to just drop things drop wherever they are. But then there’s the hard part later picking them up.

Well, so much for taking it easy. We’ve had lunch and the dishes done. I find the cleaning up part the hardest. My mood drops and my energy deserts me. I have to talk myself through each step. It happens most days. You would think I could overcome this by now. No, I have to battle it every day but I do win every time. I’ve gone out again to the greenhouse to finish cleaning all the little pots and plant trays. The lettuce there are past their prime. It was hard but I’ve pulled them and planted 2 eggplants in their spot. I tend to wait and hang on to things too long, even lettuce. Well, no more of that!

It seems my keyboard is my best tool for working things/my moods out. It doesn’t give me any back talk either. I can talk myself out with no criticism. Sometimes I just need to put it out here on the page, sounding myself out. If I pay attention, I can hear/see wherein my problems and solutions lie. It’s worth it to make the effort of showing up on my self scheduled days.

TRIGGERS – Winds of Change

Thursday evening. I thought I would start my thoughts since it’s running. It’s another day with strange weather. I felt it coming on last night though I didn’t know it then. What I felt was irritability, a sense of dissatisfaction. I didn’t act out or on it though. Hooray for me! Instead I thought each thought and feeling through. It was only in the morning that I checked the weather forecast. It was after I had carried all my trays of seedlings outside. The guy asked me why I did that. It was going to be cold and windy by 10. I was surprised because it was so beautiful and sunny. I thought I would give the plants an early outing.

Now I am quite sure that weather changes are a trigger for when I am not so copacetic. I hate being a weather vane but knowing it enables me to have more control if not sleep. It is Friday morning. I’ve been up forever – since 1 am. I tried reading and taking a tylenol. I did fall asleep after awhile only to wake up again when I went back to bed. Instead of tossing and turning in bed, I got up, made LAB for my plants and then drawing and painting a watercolour for #the100dayproject. They are 2 things today that needed doing. I won’t fall too far behind or apart if I tank out during the day. Now I will be heading off to my exercise class. I don’t have to drive. So no worries.

Now it is almost 10 pm. The day was a bit of a blur but not at all a disaster. I did not nap and even read a bit here and there. Nothing to brag about but not crying the woes either. I hope we get some sun and heat soon. It does not look like we will get summer

A PAIN IN THE NOSE

The days are marching along. The temperature is rising. I had to open some windows in the house. The temperature in the greenhouse was 36.4℃ with 3 vents opened at 12:45. We had to open another. Now it is 26.5℃. I feel a little pressured. There’s so much to do. I’m thinking of the boxes of seeds sitting on the dining room table. I have to stay on my program plus a little more to get things done. I am sweating it. I will have that glass of wine with supper.

I am reacting to the crazy weather. Can you believe it went up to 16℃ today? My nose is throbbing like crazy. I had surgery on it years ago because I had a cyst growing into the bone. I know it sounds far fetched. It has caused me much angst even years after its removal. The first time I had it drained. I was too impatient to wait for surgery and the procedure sounded scary. I looked unsightly with a bump sticking out the side of my nose. I had a trip booked. I didn’t want to tour Australia with a bumpy nose. It was a quick fix but it came back seven years later. The second time I had surgery to remove it. The plastic surgeon made an incision under my gum line, peeled my lip back, cut and scraped the cyst off.

Being ‘just a bump on the nose’, I never got much sympathy or understanding. I had no visible scar. But the pain was constant and gnawing, long after my surgery. I never believed the pain was real myself either until I couldn’t handle it any more. At the appointment with my surgeon, he looked at me kind of weird when I told him I still had a lot of pain. Then he held up his thumb and said that the cyst was the size of his thumb, meaning it was BIG. He wrote me a prescription and told me where to to press on the side of my nose to ease the pain. It would have helped if he had explained things more and better post-op. All that I was told was the cyst had grown into my nasal bone. Nothing about the recovery or what to expect.

No matter. I have survived and am thriving. I worked things out over the years. Pain does that to you. It pokes and prods you to find solutions and remedies. It does not let you to stay in the same old, same old. That’s what it’s doing now. So I took a plain tylenol and am sipping on a glass of wine. I have to chill, relax and pamper myself a little. Just to let you know, my pain has much improved over the years. It acts up a little with weather changes. I also have arthritic pain on my left side from scrunching my face, clenching my jaw and tensing my muscles with the pain. I’ve been working on not doing that so life has much improved. Yay!

This post is a painful write. Hope it is not a painful read. It was not my intended write but I got sidetrack. So ends this 4th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

ONCE UPON A TIME

January 20, day 20 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Once in awhile, thoughts of yesteryear would pop up in my head. It seems that I had so much more free time then, even though I was still working. I would remember lounging mornings in the sunroom with my toast and tea, listening to CBC on the radio. They had so many interesting and informative programs. Now I hardly listen anymore. When I do on rare occasions it is all about the pandemics, vaccines and bad news or repeats. I wonder what has happened to our national radio station. I wonder if the government is trying to dumb us up.

I’m trying to smarten myself up. I’m trying not to get my panties get tied up over things that don’t matter a damn. Maybe then, I can recoup some of my lounging time. Right now I’m letting Roomba zoom around in the bedroom picking up dust and lint. Meanwhile, I run a wet mop over the hallway floor and the stairs where Roomba refuses to go. I’m learning to be more efficient, not letting thoughts get in my way, wasting my time. Oops, I just remember there’s nothing for lunch!

Once upon a time, I liked to stir fry but now it seems like so much work, so time consuming. But, alas, I have nothing to pop in the oven except pizza. I’ve done that just the other day. I racked my brains. What can I make? I dug out some frozen ground beef to defrost in the microwave. I brought up some onions and a butternut squash. I can make a beef stew in the Instant Pot. It means work but what can I do? I have to stop those It’s work thoughts. Instead I should look at it’s building more neurons in my brain. It’s good for me. My brain is racing ahead and my fingers are tapping like mad. I have to take a break to breathe slow.

My break is over. I can’t say that I’m feeling any better. I just poked myself in the eye. I did have a headache but it is replaced by my sore eye. Funny how these things happen. The other day I was showing my friend this special eye ointment for dry eye. It was still on the dining room table. Maybe that was an invitation for my accident. It is teaching me to put things away, back in their places. I hope I have learned a lesson.

At any rate, lunch is cooking away in the Instant Pot. It was a bit of a chore washing and chopping up the veggies. I threw in onions, celery, a small butternut squash and 1/2 cup dried Swedish beans. I guess you can call it a stew or chili. I don’t have a recipe for it. I use what I feel like and have. For spices, I added pepper, a couple of star anise, some cilantro seeds, cayenne and a bit of soy sauce. Ok, it is Chinese stew/chili. I am sure it will be good. I look like I paint – intuitively.

My eye is feeling better. Once upon a time, I would have freaked out with anxiety. Once upon a time I would have trashed myself. Why am I so stupid? Why did I do this or that? And why didn’t I……Now I know better. It was an accident. I was feeling tired. I had a headache. I wasn’t alert. There was no fault. I could blame the weather. It has warmed up quite a bit from yesterday. Such sudden changes affect me negatively. I can’t control the weather but I can schedule more lounging times.

BEING JERKED AROUND

Just like that our heat wave of 2 days is over. We are sitting at a cool 6℃ at 9 am. The greenhouse is registering 14.6℃. Snow is in the forecast for Friday. Talk about getting jerked around! It was so hot by this time Monday and Tuesday that it was uncomfortable on the deck. Not so today. It is even cool inside. I had to close all the windows I opened last night. If the plants are stressed by all this back and forth, hot days and cold nights, what is it doing to us?

That thought crept into my mind last night. It lingers still. I think of the ways I do to baby the plants along to strengthen them.

  • Greenhouse to extend season in spring and fall
  • Heater for greenhouse on cold nights
  • Kosy Coats for the tomatoes
  • Row covers
  • Raised beds with covers
  • Opening vents and door to the greenhouse on hot,hot days
  • Bamboo poles and strings for climbing plants
  • Watering

I know I am susceptible to changes in the weather. Do I baby myself to build resilience or do I mostly bemoan the fact? Hmmm, let me see.

  • I do tend to bash myself alot for my shortcomings but I am learning to turn that around. I try to accept how I’m physically, neurological and emotionally made up and to think of ways of how I can make things easier for myself.
  • I try not to run hot and cold like the weather. I try to be a steady Eddy. That’s where developing healthy routines and habits come in. 
  • This blog is my worksheet where I try to identify problems and find workable solutions. It is also my breathing space where I tap to comfort and ease myself.
  • I’ve lost my aerobics class and swimming due to Covid but I’m finding other alternatives. Physical activity builds physical and mental resilience. This past winter, I took up cross country skiing. That has gone with the snow. Walking is not as inviting and sustainable without my Sheba. So now I’m doing hula hooping, weights, qigong and yoga. 
  • I meditate for 20 minutes every morning, learning to sit and stay with everything.
  • I’m a super serious person. I’m going to try to lighten myself up. I don’t know how yet. One way may be letting go of being obsessive about everything – including goals. It might be ok to just laugh some days.

I think this is adequate for now, on this 19th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

MEANWHILE

I woke up to snow and -8℃! Happily it was 4.4℃ in the greenhouse. Of course it dropped a bit until the sun rises. There is no sun today. It is almost 10:30 and the greenhouse is sitting at 5.6℃. I hope the sun will make a showing later on. Meanwhile the covers stays on everything for extra warmth. I had brought in my trays of seeding last night. Everything is an experiment this spring. I wonder if the cooler temperatures at night in the greenhouse affect the germination. Will I have to reseed them? Time will tell. I have time.

Meanwhile the world still turns. Covid-19 is still here and still rising. Our province’s stats are not good at all. Despite this, there are still anti-mask people protesting about their freedom. The news from Brazil is alarming. There are more than 2, 200 deaths daily from Covid-19. Then there’s rising Asian hate in the U.S. and Canada. It is very hard to understand and digest all this. I guess it is all right for me to have a blue funk day once in awhile. Life is hard. Now life is harder. But it can be an opportunity to see as we’ve never seen before. We are all captured and captivated by this virus. There is no discrimination, no borders unbound.

Meanwhile, I am happy to see that my blogger friend, Minna from Suddenly Mad is still writing. She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer in 2016. It has been progressing, affecting her balance and walking. She started babbling incoherently in 2018. It has not affected her ability to write or draw though, but her posts are coming slower and further apart. I have learned much from them. They are very rich. Minna is an artist and was a professor at a university in New York. Then last summer, her husband/caregiver was diagnosed with lung cancer. They are both carrying on.

We all have our hard spots. My little episodes of blue funk are really nothing but a glitch in the day. They are like the clouds that drift in and out of the sky. Perfects I need them to anchor and remind me of what it is to be alive. I’m fortunate to have the tools of writing and photography to record my highs and lows. I am the weather girl.

A KRISTOFFERSON MORNING

It’s Sunday morning coming down again. Sundays always remind me of Kris Kristofferson’s song and days of my youth. I’ve never had those kind of mornings, not that I could remember anyways. Wait, there was a time way back in my first year of university. It was on my roommate’s birthday. We decided to celebrate everyone’s birthday. She got hold of a 26 of something and we caught the bus downtown to see the movie, The Best House in London. It really didn’t take too much to put me in a whooze. I don’t remember a thing about the movie. We had to leave as I was feeling sick. We caught the bus back to our boarding house. By then I was feeling better but my roommate had passed out. The bus driver and a guy from my history class carried her off and set her under a tree in front.

A sunnywindy and cooler morning. It was -1℃ when I got up at 6:30. It was about 6.8℃ in the greenhouse. It has warmed to 0 and 9.5℃ respectively. It is a little after 10 am. I won’t uncover things yet. I’m hoping that I haven’t overwatered my seedings yesterday. They might rot instead of sprout. That’s what happens when you watched or read too much about how to seed. I get mixed up. When things are working well enough, leave them alone.

I’ve been paying attention to my talk/tap, my gripe on my chaos and disorganization. I’ve talked about all that forever and a day but have I done anything about it? I have a bit here and there. Then I fall off the wagon and seldom get back on. I did climb back this morning. Now, I have to climb back as soon as I fall off. Failures like everything else can get addictive. I am an addictive person. I have to pay attention that I don’t get hooked. Too much of a good/bad thing is not good for me.

MONDAY AFTERNOON TEA CHAT

It’s Monday afternoon tea time. What I need is a cup of strong java. I’m as sleepy as can be. It was a job getting the lunch dishes done. I want to throw myself in bed and sleep the afternoon away. It’s not that I was up all night. It’s still that damn spring fatigue. I have to really work to stay awake, upright and moving. It’s totally ugly!

I can’t believe it’s +7℃ out right now. It’s March 15, technically still winter. It doesn’t end till March 20th. The snow is melting and disappearing fast. Cross country skiing seemed a lifetime ago, though I was still out just a few days ago. The greenhouse is heating up fast. It was in the pluses overnight, 7℃ at 6 am. We had to open 2 vents at noon when it went up to 29.5℃. The greens are popping up and the tomatoes are doing well.

I started some of the tomatoes in February. Some thought I was jumping the gun but I think I’m right on. I’ve been doing successive seeding but I need to get a move on with them. It’s the middle of the month already. I should have done the geraniums and petunias. I should have finished my seed orders in January or February. I didn’t but they’re in last night. I have enough seeds on hand for most things except for the sweet peppers. Well, I do have a greenhouse. They can be late.

I was timely getting online with booking my Covid-19 vaccine. My appointment is April 3. It was relatively easy and quick. I didn’t have to wait long. Now let’s hope there will be enough vaccine then. Lucky I was online and checking my emails. I had a reminder about my Monday online class on Mussolini, March 15th – May 3rd. It was starting in 20 minutes! So happy I didn’t miss it. It was very interesting. I didn’t have the same interest or understanding when I was younger. This was my first virtual class. I miss the social aspects of the in person classes of the past but this is better at holding my attention and interest. Plus, I don’t have to take the bus or park the car. That’s a real plus.

DAY 20 UBC – THIS DAILY THING

This Daily Thing

Sometimes I wonder why I dabble in so many things. It keeps me going and going. Not too many idle moments do I have. But I did take 30 minutes this afternoon for a good soak in the tub. It took the chill out of my bones. The snow caught me by surprise. It was in the forecast but who pays attention, eh? Not me evidently. But I must have felt it because I worked like the dickens to get the garlic in yesterday. I felt like the Energy Bunny. Then I raked the leaves out front to mulch them and my perennial beds.

I was surprised to wake at 4:30am and unable to get back to sleep. I had lots of exercise and fresh air. I should have slept around the clock . Oh well, it was dark so it was nice to snuggle in. What a surprise to get up at 6 and find the snow. I was and wasn’t surprised really. I’ve always been a weather vane, feeling every little and big change. I’ve been trying not to use/blame the weather for all my missteps and moods. But it does make affect me. I think it’s better for me not to discount it.

I’m feeling a little chaotic. My dining table and my desk are getting cluttered again. Is that really a problem? My day has been busy. I worked on my black out curtains this morning. The half is half done. 60 inch panels requires a bit of sewing. It is also tiring. I’ve harvested my 2 beds of greens in the afternoon. They’ve been brave and weathered the cold for awhile. I can’t ask them to hang on further. So they are taken off. They’re be good in soups. I can’t waste. You can call me the No Waste Queen. Good fresh veggies will be hard to come by in a few months. I hope our Long Keep Tomatoes will last us till Christmas at least.

I feel like I’m nattering on and on about nothing. Only 11 more days to the Challenge left. Surely I can hang on till the end now. I am so close.