I hate it when my mind is stuck in overthoughts. I bet you’re thinking, why don’t you stop but it is not that easy to get my mind out of my head. I know. I’m whining again but I’m leaving it just on the page. You don’t have to listen/read. It helps me to splash it out and not let things swirl around in my head. It can be very exhausting. It takes all my energy and I get nothing done. I haven’t been meditating the last while. Let this time here be my morning meditation.
The morning has progressed into afternoon. My overthinking would not let the words flow. I moved on to the next best thing – doing my draw/watercolour for #the100dayproject. It worked. My pen and paint brush flowed effortlessly. I felt soothed and smoothed with a painting to show. When one thing doesn’t work, don’t stay stuck. Don’t try think it out, move on and try something different.
Now if only I can heed my own advice. Habits are hard to overcome. I must persevere and not give up because of a few failings. I must adopt the 1000 hour rule of practicing a new activity till it becomes a habit. Life is easier with good habits in tow. Life would be easier, too, if I don’t overthink and overdo. When I find myself pursuing everything and anything, to get to the bottom of things, to understand everything, anything and everyone…. it’s time to STOP. There’s nothing to figure out, to understand. There’s no answer to the whys of my thoughts.
January 9 and day 9 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Today I gave into my fatigue and gave myself a break from my ski in the park. I don’t do it often. I am rather obsessive that way, staying on the track, not missing any days. But enough is enough. Sometimes it is good and necessary to step off the merry-go-round, look and reassess. It is the rightful thing to do. I need a rest, some TLC.
Funny how the Universe knows what I need. While I was drawing hot water for a nice long soak, I rediscovered Cheryl Richardson’s audio book The Art of Extreme Self-Care. It’s telling me something. I didn’t have to look far to find it. It’s right on my iPhone. It also reminds me that I already have many resources. I don’t need to search for more. What I need to do is to USE them. I have good reasons to choose FOCUS as my word of the year.
January 10, day 10 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I lost my focus or rather I saw what was more important. I needed a break/rest more than to finish my post yesterday. I’m feeling more rested physically. I am not so sure about mentally. We watched the movie, Bird Box (2018) starring Sandra Bullock on Netflix last night. It’s a science fiction movie of a post apocalyptic world. It feels quite similar to our present world. Whereas in the movie the people will die if they look at the monster. The people had to blindfold themselves. In our world, we will die if we breathe in our monster and we have to mask ourselves. You will have to watch the movie yourself. It might not resonate with you. Maybe you won’t see the similarities.
I have felt the weirdness of living in a sci-fi world before this. Now it is all the more eerie for me. There’s a lot of strange things and people out there/here. It emphasizes that I need to focus more on my boundaries and not let them infect my mental and physical health. I have to keep up with my routines of daily living. Tapping here gives me relief from thoughts trapped in my head. Stepping back on the ski trails will release tension in my physical body. The sun is out and it is WARM.
Summer time and the living hasn’t been easy. I’m doing my best not to fret about my disappointments, disillusionments and all the other dis—s. The mind is not so easy to control, especially mine. It’s skipping and hopping all over. Even the practice of mindfulness cannot calm it down. So I brought it here – to the page. It has to pay attention, watch the letters march across the page, trying to make words, sentences and thoughts. The rhythm of my tapping fingers soothes its dendrites. Now they’re opened to the business of receiving and sending.
So what am I going to do with my summer? It yawns before me like Stephen Hawking’s black hole. I hope there is escape out of mine. Now that my cold is finally leaving my body, I do see a tiny glimmer of light. Is it bright enough to sustain me for the summer? Perhaps it is just my lizard brain talking. I don’t have to listen to it. It’s just talk as they say.
Talk is not always good for the soul. It can eat a hole in you like the Big Bang. It can start as a tiny point, expanding rapidly through a hot explosion. I rather NOT do this. It’s time to let go of things that do not work. Let me try harder in other more constructive ways. I close my eyes. I see a lush green summer stretch before me. I hear laughter. I see order rise out of chaos. I’ve put a STOP to the chatter in my head, a HALT to negativity. There’s PEACE in my thoughts, LOVING KINDNESS in my heart.
I do listen to my body eventually. When you are on a roll as they say, it is hard to put the brakes on. But it is protesting loudly so I can’t stay on the cruise control. I have to give the brakes a tap and change to a more comfortable speed. I watched the Winter Olympics last night without doing anything else. Even if it’s the mindless knitting of a scarf, part of the mind is engaged and consuming energy. It was a very relaxing cathartic experience to be a couch potato watching the men’s free style skiing. My mind’s wrinkles loosened and smoothed. It was as if it was I who was flying free in the air. What a way to travel without leaving the couch! I should do it more often.
I’m doctoring myself with some home grown, home made dandelion tea. I’m feeling a tad under the weather. Too much winter and too many days of trotting in the wind at the park with Sheba. It’s caught up with me today. I’m trying to rescue/salvage myself before I tipple over with a cold/sinus condition. I think it’s working. I am not so shivery cold, tired and achy. Good on me. I hate being laid up, even slightly.
My day is at a slower pace but I’m getting stuff done. You see how obsessive I am, still talking about getting things done. I had to set the timer for 3 minutes so that I could sit for a full 2 minutes of meditation. I probably need to do it twice a day. Then I need to increase it by a minute regularly. I read outloud a few pages of The Wolf Border by Sarah Hall. Have you read it? It is very good. I tend to rush and skim, so by reading outloud, I have to read every word. I hope to slow myself down and not expend useless energy and missing some of the narrative besides. I am impatient with everything I do. I’m doing an auto correct on myself.
This is who I am. I’m a fiddler – fiddling with the order of things to find better tunes. It’s senseless doing the same things and expecting a different outcome. I can’t remember who originated that phrase – Wayne Dyer or Dr. Phil. Maybe it was Oprah. I’m grateful to whoever it was. It is now 5 pm. I’m finishing my cup of tea. The bread is out of the oven. Sheba’s been walked. I’ve painted my watercolour index cards. I wasn’t sure about everything but there are no MUST DOs. Only what I can do today. I am tired now but pleased.
The world is too much with us; late and soon, Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
The words of William Wordsworth published in 1807. They very much describe what we are experiencing today. How strange that Wordsworth felt much the same – way back then!
The world is too much with me. It follows me wherever I go – all the news, good and bad. They seem to find me, no matter where I am, from every corner of the globe. I have no time or space to rest from all the restlessness of the world. I am connected all the time. I hear the good, bad and the ugly. I hear truths and I hear lies. I like to turn it off but I am addicted. I want to be in the real world, to be grounded and rooted like the big tree across the street.
But I am hooked, addicted to my little gizmo that glows in the dark. It vibrates though I thought I had shut it up. It wants to tell me everything. The world is too much with me. My brain is on fire with too much information. I see and hear all evil. I want it to stop. How do I start? What gods do I call up to give me strength and the will? Can I beseech the moon and the stars above or do I JUST DO IT?