OBSESSIONS, FIXATIONS, ENVY and OTHER VICES

Sunny Sunday. I hope it’s not a tease and stay for awhile. I’m trying to get a bead on the day and not let it run away on me. I feel like I’ve been on the last of the toilet roll and time is spinning away faster and faster. At the same time, I’m that gerbil on the treadmill to nowhere. It’s no wonder that I’m feeling a little angry and edgy. I know you’re not suppose to go to bed that way. What do you do though when you do? I tried very hard to let go last night but I’m a hanger on type of a girl. I failed and gave in and let myself be. I worried that it was going to be a restless, wakeful night. BUT it was all good. I stay put and practices relaxing each part of my body. The sandman came and took me away.

It rained overnight. Not much but it was enough. It shouldn’t have surprised me but it did. I don’t want to blame the weather for my moodiness but it is better than blaming myself. There was no good reason for it except for physical fatigue. I find gardening very rewarding physically and mentally but it is also very taxing. If I step outside, and I do, I can lose myself for hours in tending to all that is growing. It is hard to stop. I’m a bit obsessive in all things that I love to do. I’m trying to find a healthier balance in all that I do.

I find it hard to put down any book by Jodi Picoult and John Grisham. Having read Picoult’s Salem Falls and Grisham’s The Chamber, I’m hooked on courtroom drama. It’s good that I’ve finished the books now and I can tend to neglected areas I’ve been avoiding. It’s hard to overcome myself. It’s so easy to fall into the pits of least resistance. I wonder at the attraction of famous people. Why are we so curious about them? I don’t think I envy their lives or their glamour but I am guilty of wanting to know every little detail about their lives? Perhaps it is maybe I think so little of mine and myself. Could that be it?

I left to do a few things. One thing led to another. Now I find myself at the end of the day. I’m gathering my thoughts to wrap up this post. One thing for sure is I am happy that we had this time together. I took a few hours away from working on things. I took the time and trouble to sauté my first Sunburst squash for lunch. It was delicious. I watched a comedy called New in Town, starring Renee Zellweger. It was a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon. I should do this more often. It interrupts up my obsessive thoughts and eases up my feelings of anger for awhile. It gives me an opportunity to examine the reasons for my feelings. It’s all good.

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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