WRITING TO SAVE MYSELF

So it it February 25, the 25th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I did not bother with Day 24, deciding to immerse myself in Netflix instead. I suppose I was feeling the ‘what’s the point’, ‘who am I kidding’ and ‘I don’t give a shit’, etc. etc. as the Anna’s King would say. I’m not going into the analysis of my feelings or anything. Trying to dig into the mud of things is the worse thing I could do. I could dig myself into a hole no rabbit could hop out of.

etc. etc.

Now is the perhap time for me or anyone just to feel our ‘depression’ whatever we are feeling. We need no excuse or shame. There are enough reasons and whys right in our faces. There’s no need to dig or go into analysis. There are no couches safe for us to lay on anymore. How satisfying is a virtual couch? Let’s give ourselves permission to feel what we feel. If I don’t, those feelings might come back and bite in the ass – again. However the world is, however I am, life does go on. To help me I’ve adopted Regina Brett’s “No matter how I feel, I will get up, dress up and show up”. Regardless of what I’ve said above, words matter.

When I’m feeling lost and iffy I’m grateful to come to the ouija/key board. It helps me find the words/way. It gives me a sense of direction, a true sounding board. I don’t feel quite so adrift, so purposeless afterwards. It is my spacecraft to explore those inner spaces of no easy access. Somehow the rhythm of my taps can loosen unseen barriers and gain me if only just glimpses. Sometimes it can untie a very tight knot and I can unravel myself like a sweater. It is like Aladdin’s lamp, magical.

I’ve learned now not to despair, no matter what. Get up, dress up and show up as best as I can for that day. That is all that is asked of me. And so I sit hear, sipping my tea and tap out a letter, a word. An idea comes. Then a sentence. It’s magic. I see it. Aladdin’s lamp is showing me the way. I do not have to do big. I just have to take that first step, tap out a word, sew one quilt block, splash some paint on the canvas, transplant one tomato, sew one seed….

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to WRITING TO SAVE MYSELF

  1. Will Burley says:

    Thanks for being so honest. I’ve had a few days like that during this blog challenge and about a week where I couldn’t right because of the winter storm. Thanks for writing today!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.