LEARNING TO BE A WANNA BE

Wednesday and I am wandering the hallowed halls of learning. I feel more at ease amid the crowd of young people now than when I was young. I feel oddly out of place among my peers. Am I denying that I’m of age? Am I a wanna be? Seems like I’m always out of step with the world. I’m the sore thumb that sticks out.

Yes, I guess I do want to be a wanna be. That’s the reason for taking this class on Buddhism. I want to know how to be happy and content. I want to know how to go about the world, to feel peaceful with myself, to have a purpose, to be kind, generous, to have all those positive attributes and none of the flaws. I know that’s asking too much so I try to quell these desires and quiet my mind.

I wish that I could come to my keyboard a little earlier in the day. My mind would have been sharper. But it seems that I have to live my day before I could find the words. So now I try to do the best I can, to focus and impart the lesson I’ve learned, the jewel of my day.

I’ve noticed lately that I have terrible trouble with focusing. It’s been getting worse and worse. Sometimes I don’t hear or is it that I can’t listen? My mind is always somewhere else out there – even when I’m ‘meditating’. I realized today that I could use this class to bring my mind back – to this moment, to the classroom, to all what the professor is saying. It won’t be easy. I have to make it a practice.

It is late. Time to say good night to day 22 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

 

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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6 Responses to LEARNING TO BE A WANNA BE

  1. Vidya Tiru says:

    so totally resonate with so many of your thoughts today 🙂 and i definitely seem to be coming to my keyboard later and later each day as well.. i am still catching up as well. though i posted a day 22 post, i decided i will catch up and add to the ones i missed later..

  2. Chef William says:

    Always interesting. If it helps to know it, most and I really mean most of the people of the world feel “out of pace with others” throughout part of their day. Most of them do not even realize that is what is troubling them. To study the teaching of the Buddha is a great way to outline a path but there is more. One of the biggest steps is to accept that those like us are seekers of a higher self. We walk to a different drum. We will never be like everyone else and in our deepest minds, we would not want to be. They look so content as they walk aimlessly through life. One of the problems, when we have trouble focusing, is that we are trying to focus on too much at one time. Relax, take a little more time to smell the roses and a little less time trying to fit into a world that has no flaws. It is not out there in this world at this time.

  3. Elisa says:

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. Every day is a clean slate. And when you finish the Buddhism class, can you let me know how to be at peace and be happy and content? Hang in there. 😉

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