IF I SHOULD DISAPPEAR

I’m trying to make life simple again. I can’t believe how complicated and cluttered it could get. Everything starts out simple enough but everyone wants you to upgrade to the executive membership, to the premier plan, to the delux model. I could go on and on. Well, I have had enough. I will give up my Costco executive membership. I will go back to my free WordPress plan. So if I should disappear, you will know what happened. I’ve been getting reminders and notices that if I don’t renew my domain and personal plan, you might not find me again!

It is all very frightening when it is coming at me like that – to lose my word space. When I really think about it, it is not such a big deal. I hang onto things too much and too tightly. It will be good to lose the fear and live a little. If my onethousandandtwo.com disappears, I can always create a new space. It will be an adventure, creating a new space. What will I call it? What will be different? I have 6 days left to think about it. But I suspect this space will still be here somehow.

I’m enjoying a small spell of energy and flow lately. It’s wonderful to feel the flow of life, as if it is moving, going somewhere. I haven’t had the feeling for a long, long time. I will try to keep it going. I’ve been putting in an extra effort, reining myself in when I feel myself reverting to reacting in the same ineffectual manners of old. I take that pause in my head to talk to myself. You don’t want to do the same old, same old, I tell myself. You can do better even if you don’t like it. And I could. One victory at a time. One breath at a time. One day at a time.

And here I am at the end of another day. I am still in a midst of clutter but I am working at it. I’ve decluttered my head. It’s thinking clearly again. I’ve peeled off layers and layers of useless thinking. I’ve deleted a lot of useless photos and videos from my phone. They’ve done their job. Time to let them go. And it is time for me to go, too.

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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5 Responses to IF I SHOULD DISAPPEAR

  1. I hear you loud and clear. Sometimes I wish the internet had never been invented. I’d love to leave social media, but I’ve gone back to running an internet book business and I have to use it. I remember a few decades ago when my husband and I would sit in the family room with our books and just enjoy each other’s company. When the phone rang, it was usually a friend. Now it’s almost always a sales pitch. Hardly anyone answers a phone anymore for that reason unless they can ID the caller. I wish you the best in the new direction you are taking.

    • hafong says:

      Thanks, Barb. I, too, sometimes wish that the internet had never been invented. It sure eats up time and so addictive. I scroll whether I want to or not. So trying to step back a little for a rest and take back some personal time. Social media makes me more socially lazy. I connect less in real life. It has its good points though. Good luck on your internet book business.

      Lily

  2. terry fishman says:

    Whatever you decide, a respite, social media vacation just do what feels right for you. You’re multi talented and many enjoy and learn from these talents. Glad to have found you and if you take a break I’ll want to reconnect eventually.

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