When I show up late, it is difficult to find those first words. I flounder around, trying this and that. My mind is full of cobwebs. This afternoon I finally made a start clearing this very desk I’m sitting on. It was full of paper crap and dust. I was on hold to Sasktel and looking at it all. How long am I going to take before I attend to it? I started wiping a bit here and there. Got one area dusted before the Sasktel person got back to me. Another billing hitch worked out again.

It all goes to remind me how much of our lives are caught up in paper, whether it’s on hard copy or virtual. I have trouble dealing with either form. The truth is I don’t deal with it at all till absolutely necessary. It is THE reason why everything is so hard. I really want somebody else to take care of – EVERYTHING for me. Of course, that never happens nor is it possible. Everyone is responsible for their own shit and should take care of it themselves. Of course, we know that is not always the case. I decided I might as well get my head out of the sand and deal with the truth.

The truth is my shit includes some of others’. Acknowledging and accepting that will lift the emotional part of the burden. I have to look at it in an impersonal and impassionate way. I see it. That’s half the battle. Life is short and shorter when you’re in the retirement age bracket. I do not want to tap forever about my dust, paper crap and other angst. My plan for this month is to clear all the crap. It needs a deadline.

I’m not thinking too clearly now that I’ve had my glass of wine. But here’s the plan. Whatever I come across that doesn’t have a use and can’t be recycled will be tossed into the garbage. I have already tossed numerous post-it-note, memo and other pads into the recycle bin. How many pads or scrap paper do I need? How many lists do I make – none. There are several heavy outdated textbooks in the bin also. School is over. So is work. I’ve shredded a bundle of old bills and receipts. I have to let go of hanging onto every scrap of paper as security or proof of my worth. I have to hang on to my life instead.

Enough crap said. I’ve laid bare my soul. Tormorrow is another day.


About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to ENOUGH CRAP SAID

  1. Hi Lily, good to see you back here in the challenge. I find my next post is easier to figure out when I have just finished the one for today. I have even started the title of it and saved it as a draft for the next day. Then I can go to sleep and let my never resting subconscious mind work out the details while my conscious mind takes its much-needed rest.

  2. Decluttering is the best way to clear the clutter from your mind. As I sit here writing this, two of my wardrobes are looking at me..coz they are cluttered. It is so complicated you see..:)

  3. Des says:

    I hear resolve in your post, Lily. Hope you get some peace of mind in your endeavor.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.