I NEVER PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN

IMG_6221Just when I think I have a handle on things, dare to relax and let go, life – that perennial jokester, shows herself again.  I shake my head.  What makes me think that there is smooth sailing into the sunset from now till eternity?  It’s an illusion, happening only in movies.  I know that, but still I hold onto that dream of Utopia.  I am a little blue and sleep deprived.  Sheba has had a little relapse with her anxiety yesterday.

We were too happy too soon with her recovery the other day.  I thought it was behind us. But nothing is ever that easy.  We all I know all that.  How many times have I been sure that  I will never be afraid again and I will never feel depressed again?  And time after time I have been wrong.  It is the cycle of everything.  What goes up, must come down.  There’s the good times.  There’s the hard times.  Otherwise life would be stagnant.  The Universe would be a huge yawn.  Do I really want a Utopia?

IMG_2449So Sheba is going through a rough period again.  I take a deep breath.  What do you do when your child is afraid?  You can’t abandon her or tell her to snap out of it.  You hold and love her.  And so we put on her Thunder Shirt.  It helps with the shaking.  We stand over her while she eats.  She looks over her shoulder with every bite, checking for the bogeyman.  We can’t see or hear him but then we don’t have her senses.

Just when she is able to settle for the night on her mat at the foot of the bed, she is jolted upright by some energy.  I don’t know if my imagination was at work or not, but I could feel ‘it’ at the same time – not the same intensity as Sheba but I sensed it all the same. There was no calming her.  She would not lay down and she cried softly.  How can you go to sleep when your baby is crying.

In the end, I took her out to the living room and we laid down on her big fluffy pillow. It was not big enough for both of us but I made do with three cushions and a couple of blankets.  She relaxed and went to sleep.  I was able to wiggle myself free and laid on the sofa within her sight.  She was happy with that and stayed on her pillow.  Surprisingly, I had a restful though short sleep.

Today, she is better though we still did the Thunder Shirt in the afternoon.  We still stand guard when she is eating but she is restful tonight, going off to bed by herself.  Yoga is good for both of us.  She likes my mat.  Hope it lasts but no one ever promised me a rose garden for ever and ever.

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About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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