FACING MY GREMLINS

IMG_2285It’s a beautiful sunny day – calm and cool, but not too cool.  I wish I was calm and cool but I am not. Those little gremlins are nibbling at my heels, disturbing my peace.  Sheba is making her little whining noises at the same time. Comfort me!  Feed me!  I rub her ears and tell her it’s a bit early.  I give in.  Otherwise, I would have no peace.

Perhaps today is not a good day to declutter.  But then, would there be such a day?  I’ve been waiting for years now.  It hasn’t shown up so I took a deep breath and started.

I’m a clutter bug, not a true blue hoarder.  But then, maybe I am or could easily become one.  I better get a move on!  I am not plunging head long into the dig and clearing of stuff. I don’t have the energy or presence of mind so I am treading softly and carefully doing the easy stuff.  I’m having a tough time parting with stuff, even the easy stuff.  I haven’t practice sorting and detaching at all.  It is really the ideas and memories they hold and not the things themselves.

The gremlins are getting more stimulated now.  I feel their agitation in my head.  I breathe in and out, seeing and feeling myself in the warm water of the swimming pool.  My arms rise and fall with each stroke.  I’m flipping my legs softly like a mermaid’s tail.  I can do it! I gather the dried roses from the basket, breaking off the blooms from the stem.  I will enjoy their colours for one more day.  Tomorrow they will be recycled back into earth.  No need to hang on and gather dust forever.  There’s more waiting in the wings.

It’s tough letting go of forever.  I’m feeling the gremlins and fear of letting go.  After all, it is the goal of this blog – to dig deep through the fear and letting it go.  Another deep breath and I’m down in the basement.  I have dug through the basket of laundered clothes, untouched in at least 3 years.  It feels as if a bogey man was hiding there, ready to pounce out at me.

IMG_6967No bogey man.  I found only myself, the one who forgot to take care of herself for awhile – and some clothes I didn’t put away.  They are in bags now, ready for donation to Value Village.  Is it melodramatic to say that it was TOUGH and I feel a bit shaky?  Well, it is and I am.  It’s definitely time for another cup of tea and maybe a chocolate chip cookie or two.

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About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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