I am feeling sad tonight having read someone ended a beloved pet’s suffering. I have also learned today that an old friend has passed away. His suffering has also ended. It is hard, nevertheless, for those left on this side of life. I am sure God will forgive me my tears. They are coming down in the dark of the night.
I am still wondering what is it all about, Alfie? Will I find any answers? Life has tricked me into believing that it gets easier with age. I have not found it so. It has been harder. Life has caught me unaware and unprepared – to grapple with all these complexities of modern, New Age living.
It was much easier when I was young. I went to school. I did my chores. I obeyed my parents. I respected my elders. I respected my teachers. I listened to their wisdom. After all, they’ve lived longer than me. They knew a few more things than I did.
Not so anymore. Children can divorce their parents. You dont always seldom get respect from the younger generation. They have this sense of entitlement – they know better. They are better and it is you who should listen to them. Sometimes we tiptoe around them, afraid to lose their love. They are the ME generation. I am, of course, generalizing. I am making the mistake of putting them all in the same basket.
Experience has made it difficult not to generalize and take things personally. It would take a better woman than me not to do so. I am ranting my deficiencies in the silence of the night. I am exhaling my poison. I am also remembering those other youths. I should not lump them altogether. Some are wonderful, loving and knowing – more than we know. They know the word respect.
Respect, saving face is of utmost importance to the Chinese. I should know. The teachings of respect is ingrained into my very fabric. My mother has done a good job with me. I am grateful for it. What are we, without respect? We all crave it and yet so many of us are so reluctant or unable to give it. Pity! Regardless, I do respect myself.
Forgive my late night ranting. I am but momentarily disillusioned with this thing call life. I am sickened by the wrongs and woes of the world. How can I not be when I hear news like Jian Gomeshi and stories like Rhtaeh Parson? Then there are all the killings and wars. I could go on and go. How can I keep my spirit up and my heart intact? Down which road has humanity gone?
I am only a simple Asian woman in her middle years. I have no answers nor solutions. Tonight I can only rant. But tomorrow is another day. Hope is just around the corner.
