IMG_2343I pay attention to the turning of  seasons, the phases of the moon and all things that change.  I pay attention to serendipity.

I’ve been talking and writing a lot about Anne Lamott.  Her book, Bird by Bird came in the mail yesterday, along with Sandra Ingerman’s Shamanic Journeying.  I have great admiration for these women.  They speak with authenticity and from a place I recognize.

They both have depression and spoke about Robin William’s suicide.  Anne Lamott:

I know Robin was caught too, in both the arms of God, and of his mother, Laurie.

I knew them both when I was coming up, in Tiburon. He lived three blocks away on Paradise drive. His family had money; ours didn’t. But we were in the same boat–scared, shy, with terrible self esteem and grandiosity. If you have a genetic predisposition towards mental problems and addiction, as Robin and I did, life here feels like you were just left off here one day, with no instruction manual, and no idea of what you were supposed to do; how to fit in; how to find a day’s relief from the anxiety, how to keep your beloved alive; how to stay one step ahead of abyss.”

“This was at theologian Fred Buechner blog today: “It is absolutely crucial, therefore, to keep in constant touch with what is going on in your own life’s story and to pay close attention to what is going on in the stories of others’ lives. If God is present anywhere, it is in those stories that God is present. If God is not present in those stories, then they are scarcely worth telling.”

Live stories worth telling! Stop hitting the snooze button. Try not to squander your life on meaningless, multi-tasking bullshit. I would shake you and me but Robin is shaking us now.”

Sandra Ingerman:

I was deeply saddened to hear the news about Robin Williams death and that he had been dealing with depression.

Dealing with depression has been a life-long journey for me. I am not going to use the word “struggle” as I do believe it has been part of my spiritual journey. It has simply part of my destiny in life.

Learning how to ride the waves of depression and know that the strength of my spirit will get me through has been a life long teaching for me. It is not easy one. But I accept this is part of my path and keeps me in a continual state of compassion for the challenges that people experience on all levels.

My two mantras are: “The strength of my spirit will carry me through.” “The only way out is through.”

I have to add myself to the list of sufferers of depression. I didn’t think of myself having depression for a long, long time.  I’ve read a great deal on the topic and anything related to it.  I wonder why life is so God damn hard.  I work hard at it constantly, trying to unlock that mystery.  Maybe I shouldn’t try so hard.

The mystery is what keeps us alive, egging us on to chase rainbow after rainbow.  Life is one mystery after another.  That is the marvel of it.  To come to the end of that mystery would be death.  So let me not bemoan my hard life, my little difficulties for they add texture to my otherwise bland existence.

It is true that I have suffered, but now I look back.  I see that my life is not a small thing. Despite because of everything I have succeeded in living and I have stories worth the telling.

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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  1. Dorit Sasson says:

    Depression is a serious illness. It’s great you’re giving voice to the personal side by blogging about it. That in itself, is great therapy.

  2. Swoosieque says:

    I didn’t know I was depressed. As a very unhappy, frightened, withdrawn child, I simply thought I was sad because of the situation at home. When I grew up and removed ‘home” from that equation, I discovered that I do suffer from depression.

    I used to think I was just “extremely sensitive.” After so many things in my life, I finally asked for an anti-depressant. The one I am taking is supposed to be the best of them all, at least insofar as being compatible with my hormone blocking pill.

    Sorry, I ramble too much some times. Great article and thoughts.

    • hafong says:

      No need to apologize. Thanks for reading and commenting. I am glad you have found a med. that works for you. I had been on an SSRI for a number of years but then dev. a sensitivity to them. I opted to try drug free and have been now for a number of yrs. I try to practice good mental hygiene and physical well-being. So far, so good, though I get ‘quirky’ now and then. 🙂 Keep well.


  3. I like your mantra: strength of spirit. At times, we try too hard to be “strong”, when in fact yielding to the universe may bring many answers. Strength of spirit is a powerful inner strength. Best Irish wishes…

  4. I like your writing, and this topic is so important. I’ve “struggled” here and there….now I’ve found that running is my therapy and my medication.

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