I’m fading fast. I’m losing momentum. My flag is sagging, hanging limp by my side. I’m talking about my zest, my oomph, my joie de vivre – my burning desire to be the best that I could be. I’m even losing some of my cantankerousness. I will be no more without that!
The thing not to do is give up those things that are working for me. But if do, I need to have the discipline to pick up where I left off and not start over from the beginning.
And that is precisely what I am doing. I am going against my grain. I’m ditching my usual ‘au contraire’ self. I am defying my defiance. It is not working for me.
So I heave a great big sigh. There, I am feeling better! I’ve done a lot. I’ve acknowledged much. Admitting my rebellious, contrary nature is a huge thing. I am a very stubborn person. The Chinese would say I have a very hard throat.
The phrase makes perfect sense. If you are stubborn like me, it is very hard to give in. When you do, it is difficult to say it. You’re almost choking out the words. I’m practicing to be more graceful and not choke on my words.