AIN’T NO MOUNTAIN HIGH ENOUGH

climb

I am ignited by Anne Lamott’s post on perfectionism this morning.

” There’s a whole chapter on perfectionism in Bird by Bird, because it is the great enemy of the writer, and of life, our sweet messy beautiful screwed up human lives. It is the voice of the oppressor. It will keep you very scared and restless your entire life if you do not awaken, and fight back, and if you’re an artist, it will destroy you.”

I am fighting back.  Her words stir so much emotion in me.

” Do you mind even a little that you are still addicted to people-pleasing, and are still putting everyone else’s needs and laundry and career ahead of your creative, spiritual life? Giving all your life force away, to “help” and impress. Well, your help is not helpful, and falls short. “

I do mind – a lot.   Years of anger and resentment are boiling inside my deep cauldron.  There’s threat of it spilling over and scalding me.  I breathe deep and slow.  The boiling subsides, the lid closes. The danger passes and I am safe, again.  No use letting my self-anger hurt me more.

My pastor said last Sunday that if you don’t change directions, you are going to end up where you are headed. Is that okay with you, to end up still desperately trying to achieve more, and to get the world to validate your parking ticket, and to get your possibly dead parents to see how amazing you always were? “

IMG_0515Be smarter!  Do not fall back into your old patterns.  Do not beat yourself about yourself.  So I go into my Wonder Woman persona to lasso in my anger and to turn it into energy to work for me.

Who needs all this anger?  But when it comes, you have to let it in, acknowledge it, feel it, use it, turn it around and then send it on its way.

Thanks to anger’s angst and Wonder Woman’s magic, I have moved a few a little mountains in my world this morning.  It is not that I have to work harder.  I have to be a little smarter and a little more flexible but most of all, a little kinder to myself.  It is important that kindness starts at home.

But being a woman, daughter and a nurse, I’ve been taught it is holy to be out there for others.  I’m seldom home for me.  Thank you Anne Lamott for all your words.  I love you.

 

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About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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6 Responses to AIN’T NO MOUNTAIN HIGH ENOUGH

  1. susanhomeschooling says:

    Writers notoriously feel that their writing isn’t quite good enough, so many authors never publish their books, even though the books might have been enjoyed by the world.

    In so many ways, mothers especially feel under-appreciated, but I don’t think that taking care of laundry and all those other mundane things enables the people around us to function better, so that’s a reward in itself.

  2. Romi says:

    I have been struggling with perfectionism myself, and I’ve found your post inspiring.
    I am sometimes my worst enemy, which doesn’t make anybody happy.
    I wish I could be my own best friend all the time.

    Have a wonderful weekend, Hafong.

  3. Laurel Regan says:

    Inspirational post! Thank you for sharing.

  4. Amy says:

    That book, Bird by Bird, is a wonderful book! I’ve read it several times. Great post!

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