Last night I dreamed that I cut my hair during my coffee break. It took me almost two hours and I hadn’t done my back yet. By that time my shift was over. I had wondered, in my dream, who was covering for me. Then I woke up.
I remembered it because I wrote it up in my dream journal right away. Otherwise it would have disappeared like the morning dew on a sunny summer morning. I wanted to remember my dreams, every single one of them.
Perhaps it is a foolish thing, grasping onto will ‘o wisps. It’s like holding onto smoke. It reminds me of the time when I was a young woman and still living at home. When my mother walked into my bedroom as I was having a cigarette, I instinctively put my hand over the ashtray. The smoke curls out and up between my fingers.
We watched the smoke curling through my fingers in silence, my mother and I. We did not speak. I realized how foolish I was in that moment – as if I can hide something from my mother. It would have been better if we could have talked. Living up to what I thought was her ‘standards’ was very hard. Life could have been easier if we knew what the other was thinking. I would not have to always fight life so hard.
Here I go again with the ‘ifs’, ‘ would haves’, etc. One thing I know for sure is that we can’t go backwards. No time traveling to the past nor the future is possible. Can I say YET? Well, whatever! Life itself is but a dream. You can grab it, hold onto it with all your might, and squeeze the hell out it all you want, but it will go on. It is an inane phrase but life goes on.
I guess I should not waste any more valuable time. The thing to do is to honour and respect this life of mine. I know I have a purpose. I want to fulfill those ‘dreams’ of mine, however elusive they are. To steal the words of my hero, Martin Luther King, I have a dream…
- to write my novel
- to lose 10 pounds
- to live in the present moment
- to learn compassion
- to learn forgiveness
These are five big dreams. They will keep me pretty busy. Any help will be accepted.