IF

IMG_3593

I used to hinge so many things upon the little word, IF.  If I was taller, if I was smarter, if this, if that.  Yes, if I wasn’t Chinese, I would be have bigger bosoms.  I would be more desirable.  I would have more men panting after me.  I would be happier.  And if only the cow could jump over the moon……What then?

We cannot realize our what ifs.  This is how I console myself today in the midst of my anxieties and throat in my mouth moments.  Just keep driving.  Keep your attention on the road.  Smile!  You are on candid camera.  Talk.  Keep the conversation going.  Move.  Breathe.  Live.  One breath at a time.  One moment at a time.

There.  The day is almost done.  You have risen from bed, stretched and bended and reached forward.  You have jogged with Sheba around the neighbourhood.  You have driven through traffic, met and breakfasted with friends.  You have divided and repackaged the meat you bought yesterday for the freezer.  And you have met with your podiatrist.  Your feet thank you.  It is a miracle.  I have not been frozen in my fears and what ifs.

So maybe the cow can jump over the moon.  I am on the other side of if now.   I CAN.

Advertisements

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to IF

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s