I am home after another 12 hour night.  The morning is grey and wet with rain….not the kind that gives you an extra kick to start the day.

I am tired, feeling deflated and dissatisfied and dis-centered.  It is not the best time to do any deep analysis of these feelings, how the night went and certainly the complexities of life!  Perhaps I should just acknowledge these feelings that are gnawing at the edge of my consciousness and let them be.  I am certain that after some sleep they will dissipate.

I am enjoying hot chocolate this morning.  The grey calls for something a little richer than tea, soothing as it can be.  I need the rich full taste of chocolate to warm, comfort and fill me up.  I need its sweetness to dispel this sense of lacking in me….this sense of I should have’s….worked more, been sweeter, been softer, been more this, more that…..

I wonder if men talk like we do.  I wonder if they find more faults in themselves than in others.  Probably not.  That’s probably something they can teach us – not to beat ourselves up with assumed and misguided shortcomings.  I need to stand tall, even though I’m short, hold my head up, square my shoulders and yell:  COWABUNGA!  Here I come, ready or not.

Okay, it’s time to give up the battle and get some sleep.

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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