I am eating again, consuming, filling a void, filling in time, keeping awake. It is marvelous how good it feels. The night is endless.
I’ve often wondered how healthy our profession is for us….nurses, the caretakers of bodies and souls. How conscious are we? We care for our patients, but do we care for ourselves? Do we eat properly, get enough sleep and exercise? Are we kind to each other and our love ones? Do we have a life and friends outside of work?
Sometimes I am afraid to think about these things and answer truthfully. I just live with this uneasiness that things are not quite right and somehow the world has left me behind. Sometimes I am lonely for those days before I entered the world of hospital corridors, bedpan alleys, and twelve hour shifts. It is disturbing that I feel relief and a sense of homecoming when I enter the underground parkade of RUH. It is scary. I am like a rat in a maze!
So these are my ramblings this morning after a twelve hour night shift. I probably sound crazed and senseless. It is good that I am in my sun room. I am surrounded by windows. I can look out and see the wintry sun peeking through the evergreen trees. Are those snow flurries, or is it just my tired eyes? I’m feeling a bit hungry so I’m going to eat….again.