I’m here again, in these shadowy, in-between moments, when I’m feeling my smallness, when things don’t feel great, when things don’t feel wrong either. You must know what I mean….these blah moments. These are the moments when our rituals and routines come to our aid. We know what we have to do.
So, I didn’t get my book written, not even started. But I AM writing. I haven’t ever even come close to a thousand words, but I do have some words. That is better than just wishing and hoping and never writing at all. I try to reorganize my closet, but did not succeed totally. But I did recognize that I have way too many t-shirts and that most of them are over sized. Am I trying to be bigger than I am? Or am I trying to hide my size?
I feel like I am plodding through this post when other times the words just slip from my finger tips. No matter. My fingers are still moving. I am still expending energy, burning calories. I can still zoom through the rooms with my Swifter, picking up dirt and Sheba’s hair. The way to clean, fast and non-obsessive, has become a habit. It is not hard. It is good to know that I can break some bad habits.
After procrastinating for a few days, I went to the lab and had my blood work done. It was difficult to wake up in the morning and not eat or have my tea. It felt impossible but on this morning I finally succeeded. I rewarded myself by having breakfast out. Then went and got the groceries. Well, I did get some help.
Help is needed sometimes and it is good to be vulnerable and let someone help. Life is not a journey to be traveled alone. You can live alone but that is not the same as being alone. I know that to be a fact because I have lived alone most of my life, but I have never been ALONE. There have always been people in my life whenever I need them. They seem to know when I’m calling.