Day 36, August 27, 2016 @7:21pm
Day 36, a perfect golden August day of warm breezes and sunshine. Nothing to work on, no wants, no worries, no needs. Everyone deserves such a day once in awhile. When it comes your way, seize it. It’s an opportunity to sooth and rejuvenate yourself.
I reveled in the glories of the day – not seeking nor solving. How was your day?
Day 35, August 26, 2016 @6:09 pm
Egad! I am here in this space in the same state of mind as yesterday. Not any earlier either. It is habit that has enabled me to be here. A well worn groove in 35 days. If it would help my fatigue, I would scream. It wouldn’t. I’m grinning and bearing and faking it. I hope I make it soon. In the mean time I’ll just keep moving and faking it. In Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, Dr. Ratey states the results are the same (good) even if you don’t feel enthusiastic while exercising. So I am kicking up my heels and pumping my arms to the music of Mama Mia and following our instructor, Val. Monkey see, monkey do is do-able.
I can do that, is what I say to myself all day. I gather the cucumbers, pick the beans, the tomatoes. I prepare them and put them all away. I took all the laundry off the line downstairs, folded and put them all away. I was dying to sit down with a cup of tea. I was really looking forward to it. Then I got a call from the guy. He said he got a flat tire. Come and get me at SuperStore. So I did.
Then I sat down with my cup of tea and my book. I felt I’ve really earned it today. It is a very good book. Hard to put down. I finished my tea. Then it was wine and cheese. It is amazing I’ve show up. See, I could feel whatever I feel. It doesn’t have to affect the result. How are you doing? What are your results?
Day 34, August 25, 2016 @7:17 pm
I despair for words each day when I arrive. What I need to change is my mindset and my timing. Would I have more to say in the morning before I live the day? My inkwell seems dry now, tired that I am. It is a good thing I set my intention in the morning. At least I have something to go back on.
I am a terrible procrastinator. I don’t get a lot done because I delay and postpone everything by having a cup of tea/read a chapter/rest/anything else first. Then I would tackle the task for a little while and repeat the tea, read, etc. My different today was to cut out all the delaying crap. I got to the heart of the issue – tasks first, then reward.
I completed all my tasks. The vacuuming was tough. It seemed to go on and on. Dog hair everywhere – under the bed, behind furniture, corners and closets. Ugh! I will be deliriously happy when shedding season is over in a month or two. The reward was the floor felt so clean after. Well worth the effort.
I was surprised by pleasure in hanging the laundry out in sunshine amid my tomatoes. I felt this smile filling me up from the inside as I hung each article. Pretty silly, right? It felt so delicious standing and hanging each wet article to be kissed dry by the sun. I stored the feeling and memory in my body and mind. I will call upon it to help me the next time inertia hits me.
That was the morning. Then there was lunch to be made and dishes to do after. I almost buckle after that. But I called upon that sunshiny laundry feeling to help me out. It gave me a little more energy to return overdue books at the library. After that, Sheba got a reward to the dog park. It was one for me too. How do you reward yourself?
Day 33, August 24, 2016 @5:56
I’m really struggling at the moment to keep my eyes open and my fingers moving on the keyboard. All day I’ve had to work at it to keep going – even in our morning step aerobics class! I feel myself lagging in so many moments. I would then step it up, pump my arms more getting my oxygen to my brain. I picture my goal – slim and trim, no double chin, no bulging tummy. I huff and puff and the childhood story of the little engine that could came to mind.
Oh, I do love a challenge. The little engine that could, that’s me! It keeps me going, moving. It gives me purpose. I stand up, walk around. I’m a little more alert. I tap, tap, a word comes, an idea comes. Finally a sentence. I get up, put the kettle on for a cup of tea. A picture and another idea and sentence comes. I build little by little. Knit, purl, kit, purl – row upon a row. Almost half a back. You can see the lacy panel now. By Christmas a sweater I will have.
I can see that having a goal, a plan, a challenge can move me to do great things. What is great is personal, of course. What I know for sure is I’m doing great. What are you doing?
Day 32, August 23, 2016 @7:57 pm
I am thinking of who I am today. The truth is I am just discovering the who that is under my exterior. I am like the melancholic stranger in Acker Bilk’s Stranger on the Shore watching the tide go out. I’m the more melancholy realizing that all I have been is the reflection of what people think/want/expect me to be. I’m none of that which is written about boys and money in the high school year book. I’m much more than I have ever shown – even to myself.
This coming year is going to be an exciting one. I’m going to peel back the layers, like an onion as they say. I will get to know myself. I have put behind me the uncertain child, the confused teenager, the caretaker and pleaser of others. I will grow up and live my life. I have now put behind me the years of shift work. I have caught up on my sleep. I have come back into myself. No more excuses. Do you have any?
Day 31, August 22, 2016 @6:09
These late days in August, I’m grateful that the sun still rises early @6:30am. I’m already feeling the pull of autumn. I’m feeling the nesting instinct. It’s so lovely to lay in bed, relishing the laziness, the warmth and the not having to get up if I-don’t-want-to. Attitude and the freedom to have it is glorious. Bring it on – all that and more.
Can you tell that I’ve been into the beer? It’s that beer blush and wide-eyed stare. Pardon me if I’m not too coherent. It does not take much. Just one will do it. But at least I’m here. Thank goodness for spell check. Difficult as it is sometimes, I still get up, dress up. make up and show up. Yes, I’m still putting on my earrings and practicing selfies once in awhile.
Wish I have something more profound to say. I don’t though. This is it, not stressing, not fussing, doing small, small. A little in the house, a little in the garden and a few words here. Maybe I will have/do more tomorrow. Till then.
Day 30, August 21, 2016 @8:54
TODAY, showing up is a little hard to do. If I was to give in to my inclination, I could easily just vegetate on the couch. But today is the moment. It is the only moment. I’m here, singing John Denver’s song:
Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I’ll taste your strawberries, I’ll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
‘Ere I forget all the joy that is mine, today
Songs can say so much and better than I can, easpecially when I am tired. Thought and ideas have fled but at least I am here in this moment. And being HERE, NOW is the important thing. So often I’m absent from the moment, reliving the past and worrying about the future. Today, trying to stay in the present is my doing different. I will forget from time to time. That is the nature of being human. But I can bring myself back again and again.
It is late. I bid you a good night. Till tomorrow.